How To Gently Break Up With Your Partner

Initiating a breakup is usually quite difficult. Even though you’re in control, it doesn’t leave you immune to guilt, grief and a myraid of other unpleasant feelings. Maybe you even still love them but you know the relationship isn’t working out.

Here are some (pain free?) tips to help you break up with your partner as gently as possible

Pick a location: If you feel safe with your partner, do it in private where you can take time to talk through it and answer their questions. If you don’t live together, break the news at their place so that you can leave when you’re ready. If your partner is emotionally or physically abusive, consider doing it in public, with a friend nearby, or even over the phone.

Brace Yourself: Be prepared that your partner may be very hurt and in shock, and need time and space to process the news and how they’d like to manage communication. You’ll likely get emotional too, so be prepared.

Go straight to the point: It’s always best to rip off the Band-Aid with a straightforward statement such as, ‘There’s no easy way to do this, and it hurts me to know I’m hurting you, but I need to end this relationship”. The quicker you get it over with, the better.

Be very clear and explain why: The best breakup conversations convey clear reasons why the relationship isn’t working, since the hurt partner may waste a lot of time afterward searching for evidence about what went wrong. Try to share from your perspective about how you’re feeling, whether it’s unappreciated, unloved, disconnected, that you have different core values, or want different things out of life

Stick to your decision: If they beg you to change your mind, someone shouldn’t have to beg or convince you to love them or be with them. Trust yourself that in the right relationship, your head and heart will agree and you won’t have to choose between them.