Micah Stephen: Gospel According To Saint Aminu Waziri Tambuwal

Laughing is good. I seldom engage in this activity, but in my few relapses into momentary burst of laughter, I experienced the impact of this free medicine, that I fight every moment to have it. But it does not come every second, it comes when there is an event, an occurrence which could either be good or bad, if it is neither, then a laughing comrade will need a committee in lunacy. But in Nigeria, the nation-state in her current state leaves a human in a mental conditioning, wherein you perfect the art of laughter, even when there is nothing that creates such amusement. That is what fifty something years of exertion can bring. But this time, there is definitely something to laugh about, there is an amusement, an opera, no a comic display at the national theatre…..wait for it, it is that Tambuwal is a saint.

Do not meet my beginning with a hiss, you should laugh too. The cascading spirals of events leave no one with a choice. The speaker of the House of Representative became a member of the opposition formally on Tuesday as we all expected. He used to be in the ruling Peoples’ Democratic Party. But like I always say, until parties start having firm ideologies, our democracy will continue to be an experiment at its heightened best. But that will be rhetoric for another space. The decampment is not the amusement that calls for a community of this laughter. It is the transformation that has happened in the space of few hours. Which has been very sudden and speedily. The unequalled transformation has been epic. It is his transformation from a sinner into a saint. Do not laugh yet

Everything that is of PDP is bad, filthy, uncouth and deadly, so preaches the APC, the party of the called. They parade themselves in holy garment even if our sightings have established the exact contrary. But that is the essence of preaching. It is pure fraud, to dissuade you from your prior approach-your way- to a new path- the preacher’s way. And it is happening, the preaching has begun, tambuwal is now a saint, the transformation is complete. We have never seen any like him, his speakership as from Tuesday will be documented and fed to the space as the best we have ever seen. Though the preaching about his epic transformation had begun even before his formal decampment. Yours sincerely with my league of “co-conspirators” was privileged to have listened to the ranting of none other than the effant terrible himself, Mr Rotimi Amaechi, another transformed saint, in what was supposed to be a lecture delivered by the APC national chairman Chief John Oyegun at the most prestigious Trenchard Hall of the University of Ibadan. As predicted, it turned into a mere political charade, with Governor Rotimi Amaechi and his counterpart from Oyo, Senator Isiaka Ajimobi, Saint Aminu Tambuwal, Chief Oyegun, Muhammadu Buhari, the peoples’ General; the greatest of the transformed saint, taking turns in taking swipe at the PDP. In his characteristic manner, Amaechi was the most militant. In taking the PDP to the cleaners, he said “all members of the PDP are corrupt except the speaker” to the amusement of the willing audience who had gathered to listen to the sermon. Of course they had their own round of laughter, clapping their hands away, we also laughed our belly to convulsion, inspired by a different source of amusement though.

At that moment, we confirmed our hitherto shapeless theory of why the opposition is not just a better option. They simply do not have a way out of this quandary, at all. All they do is recycle the same old garbage and baggage and present it to us in a new garment and tag them saints. Tambuwal now preaches. Lampooning  his old employers as the worst headache of this nation. We wondered what could have made the speaker different from his ilk at the ruling PDP. But, our skull is too tender to be bothered, that had always being the style of the APC. They have never had a real manifesto, which could compel the waiting citizens to a radical u-turn from the obviously inordinate path of the PDP. Amaechi had spent all his life in the PDP, Atiku was a Vice-president under their leadership for eight years, Kwankwaso has spent much of his political life in the PDP, but upon their cross over, they all become saints, with no past, no sin, no stain of whatever range. They urge the citizens to have amnesia to the past of their new comrade, which is the centre piece of the gospel.

But the deeply thoughtful will not be persuaded by this oratory chicanery. An alternative party should be different in style and approach, in policies, comport and decorum. That is the main reason the citizens would drop the old garment for their own. But as it stands, we might have to wait a bit longer for a viable alternative party, or better still found our own, which I think is the perfect solution. Even Oyegun while replying to questions claimed that the 27 million naira presidential nomination form is the least any candidate could pay. He of course blamed the PDP for establishing such a system, the presidential system, as it is too demanding and capital intensive, he had claimed that he favoured a parliamentary system of government. Of course, it is only Nigeria that is practising the presidential system of government. Oyegun is a comedian in his own right. But as the service entered its epilogue, a question was asked about the reply of general Buhari to the allegations, numerous as it were, levelled against the peoples’ general by the only person capable of such, Professor Wole Soyinka……it was not answered, maybe the peoples’ general did not hear the question….from his people, it was a momentary relapse, I guess.

Meanwhile, in another day of thousand laughs, the PDP claims that a group of people only known to the PDP have volunteered to buy a nomination form for Mr President, who is unopposed in the PDP. Apparently, the President also could not afford the nomination form. Like Buhari like GEJ……..well, you can now have your laugh.

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Article written by Micah Stephen

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