Tunde Leye: Lord Of The Nigerian Tweets
In the beginning, two of the Valar created a new world. There had been different worlds before but this one was unique. They designed the theme of the world and limited it to series of 140 characters which they christened Tweets. They called the world Twitter. These Valar were creating a new kind of world, different from most before it. This world would be created by the music of the 140 characters put together by the beings that inhabited it. The rule was simple – you had to submit yourself to a re-birthing process from the other worlds that existed before to become an egg in this new world. You would be called a Tweep. No matter how big you were before, you started as a plain egg. As you built the world with your tweets, you also grew and created your own identity.
And so in the beginning, all was merry and light and dainty on Twitter. Few people chose to be born there and they enjoyed each other as they would in the previous worlds. But no world stays good forever. The fun of the fabric of the Twitter world was corrupted by the very thing that was meant to make it fun – it was built by the tweets of the Tweeps.
As this new world grew, different Tweeeps evolved. The LOLers who yapped and skipped and laughed all day long. The Trolls, who were the watchers of all other Tweeps. Subbers, who would build tweets aimed at other tweeps without ever telling them so. They depended on the sub-antennae and delivery Tweeps to ensure the subbed received it. Trenders who created tweets irrelevant to building the world, but who meant no harm. Ranters who spent all day complaining and sniveling and snarling. They were a foul spirited lot and at the top of their order were the Bullies. There were the Deviants who brought the lust of their previous world into Twitter to corrupt it. There were the Hustlers who came into this new world for one thing and one thing only – to increase their gold any way they could. And so Twitter grew and Valar looked at their creation and saw that it was good and they were well pleased. But not for long.
After a period of idyllic fun, some beings, defeated in the worlds they were from, invaded tweeter. They were called Opposers. Armed with treasure that was beyond the wildest imagination of the Tweeps, they began to corrupt the Ranters and the top Bullies. And so, the legend of The Hashtag begins.
One of the Opposers began to forge special tweets called Hashtags in the fire of Mount Ganda. He called together some of the Bullies and to them he gave Hashtags and the ability to use them. With the Hashtags, they gained tremendous power on twitter. In no time, the bullies evolved into Overlords, employing Hashtags to control the Tweeps. Many of the Ranters aspired to become recognized by the Opposers and even created their own hashtags. But none of their hashtags worked like those given to the Overlords. And so, a great number of people from the land where the Opposers had been defeated flocked to become eggs in Twitter and the power of the Overlords grew even further. Those that defeated the Opposers realized they needed to get into Twitter. They employed an old wizard called Reuben who was a leader of his order. But they turned him to the dark side quickly and he was of no use to them. The Overlords who looked up to him before, seeing now he opposed the Opposers, turned on him. And so the war began, between the Overlords on the Opposer side and the Overlords on the winner side. The Valar watched as this battle created a cloud of gloom and sucked the life out of the world they had created to be fun and happy and sunny. But as with most Valar, they could not be bothered. The world should sort itself out.
The overlords recruited former Ranters to become Voltrons. Former subbers became fighters. The Troll Cabal evolved, led by three Tweeps, the Rockman, The Featherman and The Poxman. The Trenders became a guild of their own, avoided by most of the other Tweeps.
But the overlords did not know. For the Opposers had hidden within the Hashtags a desire. A desire that would drive the Overlords to always hope that using the Hashtags could make them Opposers or even get them into the winning side. A mad desire to be the Lord of the Tweets using the Hashtag. But they hid the ultimate Hashtag. For there was one Hashtag and it answered to only its maker.
One Hashtag to Rule Them All,
One Hashtag To Find Them,
One Hashtag to bring them all and in blindness bind them,
In the land of Twitter,
Where Egos Lie.
And so, many of the overlords began to evolve into Hashtag Wraiths…
(To be continued.)
Tunde Leye @tundeleye is a fiction writer. He believes that the stories written form a priceless resource that is the basis of society, all the other arts (film, music, theatre, visual arts) and hence he is committed to telling stories out of Africa that show it as it was, is, and is going to be.
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