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Bayo Adeyinka : National Conference Day 9, Castration By Other Means

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Not a single delegate was prepared for the bombshell that was about to be released. As Yemi Fasominu, a delegate from Ondo State rose and spoke passionately about the plight of women and the girl child, almost all the delegates nodded in affirmation. At least until she gave her panacea to the incessant rape cases being reported all over Nigeria. All convicted rapists should be castrated. You could almost see the male delegates wince at the thought.

Castration – defined as the removal of testicles of the male, emasculation, to deprive of virility, inactivation of the gonads, to render a male incapable of reproduction, to render impotent.  If only all the women knew that the fear of impotence is the beginning of perfect composure for men. The female delegates almost burst out in rapturous applause.

But just about the time that this proposal was about to sink in, another female delegate came to the rescue of the inebriated men. Mrs Mosilat Makaty raised her voice and proposed that instead of castration, women should pray for them that “that instrument should not be misused again”. Did I hear the men say amen? I’m sure most of the delegates will prefer prayers to castration. Yet Nigeria lies castrated after serial rape.

If you thought all the professors had given their speeches last week, then you were mistaken. This must be the largest gathering of professors in Nigeria outside the Senate Building of their individual universities. Professor Jinadu Sambo advocated for a committee of judges to go round the prisons so as to ensure justice is truly served. He ended his speech with “Assalam Alaikun” and quickly muttered sorry thereafter – just in case Tunde Bakare wants to ask for the meaning of the Arabic greeting. Professor Aishatu Madawaki wanted action and not speech-making. Professor Femi Mimiko suggested Nigerians should be allowed to carry arms. Will he carry a shot-gun to class if allowed? Professor Gyado was absent but he had the honour of having two delegates exchange words over the correct spelling of his name- Onye or Onje.

Some delegates have very fertile minds and have the ability to give wings to their imagination. Trade Union Congress Bobboi Kagama said “trade unions and civil society are like buttocks, which if not needed for sitting down, must be needed for shit”. For Ishaq Modibbo Kawu, some delegates need to dust up their ‘ Brighter Grammar’. He told delegates, “I am the editor of a newspaper, I hear delegates keep saying my names are..children are watching us, there is nothing like my names are.. But… my name is…” Did someone whistle Shina Peters’ music, “Grammar, grammar, grammar no be money”.

By the way, the delegates are entitled to another N1.4m this week- for not knowing how to spell their names. John-bull, all of them.

Adefemi Kila gave a killer punch to the delegates when he said “If all Nigerians are removed to Germany, that country would become a third world power”. Are we that bad? Anthony Adefuye will give Julius Agwu a run for his money. He said, “The police is used to saying ‘happy weekend sir’ even when it is not weekend to motorists. What type of policing is this?”

The National Conference members are very compassionate. After a point of order raised by Adolphus Wabara, members will now visit the family of the late Hammar Misau, the ‘sleeping’ delegate who passed on recently. Then another moved a motion congratulating Edwin Clark on the release of his son ‘without paying ransom’. Maybe a visit is in the works. Yet another moved a motion on the hundreds killed over the weekend at Zamfara. A condolence visit will not be too far-fetched. So when will the actual work be done?

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Article Culled from The ScoopNG

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