Jennifer Lopez and her twins, Emme Anthony and Max Anthony, grace the cover of People magazine.
Lopez addresses her ex-husband’s absence in the magazine’s Feb. 2, 2015 issue.
Recalling their breakup, the 45-year-old actress, explains, “It was awful. But I had to make a commitment to myself to be alone: no flirting. No possibility of anything. No boys in any way, shape or form. I said, ‘I’m shutting it down.’ I’d never been alone. I grew up sleeping in a bed with my two sisters. When I became famous, I was surrounded by people and always had a boyfriend or a husband or some relationship, one after the other. At night I said to myself, ‘You’re not working. The kids are asleep. What do you like to do, Jen?’ I didn’t know. It was always, ‘What does he want to do?’ It was very eye-opening to me to spend time completely by myself. I was terrified of being alone: The idea that we are alone in this world, we were born alone, we die alone—it sent panic through my body. I said, ‘I have to face this fear,’ and I did.”
She tells Peoples Magazine, “I wanted my relationships to go well, but they were not. There were times when I was just crying to myself: ‘I hate this. I hate being alone.’ But the goal was not to be alone forever. The goal was to be OK on my own so I can make good choices. When I’m afraid, I just make a silly choice. My [dating pattern] was, ‘Come on in. it doesn’t matter how you treat me or what you do. I’m going to accept it because I am so afraid that there will be nobody here.’ But I think in our 20s and 30s we’re meant to explore and make a ton of mistakes,” she says. “And then by our 40s we come more full circle and figure things out.”
