Stunner!! Jennifer Lopez On The Cover Of People Magazine’s New Issue With Her Adorable Twins

Jennifer Lopez and her twins, Emme Anthony and Max Anthony, grace the cover of People magazine.

Lopez addresses her ex-husband’s absence in the magazine’s Feb. 2, 2015 issue.

Recalling their breakup, the 45-year-old actress, explains, “It was awful. But I had to make a commitment to myself to be alone: no flirting. No possibility of anything. No boys in any way, shape or form. I said, ‘I’m shutting it down.’ I’d never been alone. I grew up sleeping in a bed with my two sisters. When I became famous, I was surrounded by people and always had a boyfriend or a husband or some relationship, one after the other. At night I said to myself, ‘You’re not working. The kids are asleep. What do you like to do, Jen?’ I didn’t know. It was always, ‘What does he want to do?’ It was very eye-opening to me to spend time completely by myself. I was terrified of being alone: The idea that we are alone in this world, we were born alone, we die alone—it sent panic through my body. I said, ‘I have to face this fear,’ and I did.”

She tells Peoples Magazine, “I wanted my relationships to go well, but they were not. There were times when I was just crying to myself: ‘I hate this. I hate being alone.’ But the goal was not to be alone forever. The goal was to be OK on my own so I can make good choices. When I’m afraid, I just make a silly choice. My [dating pattern] was, ‘Come on in. it doesn’t matter how you treat me or what you do. I’m going to accept it because I am so afraid that there will be nobody here.’ But I think in our 20s and 30s we’re meant to explore and make a ton of mistakes,” she says. “And then by our 40s we come more full circle and figure things out.”